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Its no wonder the church is so dysfunctional when the leadership is so insecure. This is the perfect example of secular-psycho babel that has gotten into the church, with terminology such as toxic. Jesus came to seek that which is lost, he came to help the sick.
Care to Make Love in That Gross Little Space Between Cars?: A Believer Book of Advice
Could it mean you lack the patience and the people skills, Carey? Or perhaps you prefer to deal with people that are the quiet types and agree with you all the time.. The author of the article showed his true color. It is a disgrace to the name of the Lord. Attitude like this prevents true believers from joining a church. Is that person toxic or is that just their personality type.
Agree with Janine.
Only God knows the true intent and personality of each of us. Totally agree. The person writing the article needs to be educated and be led by Jesus to be loving and show mercy without fear of wasting their time or hurting their church.
Yet so many are!!! I understand both concerns, however considering it is the church I agree. If it becomes an issue that affects the entire congregation negatively then offer other solutions. Peace be with you. Well said. Thank you Lea.
You're a Horrible Person, But I Like You: The Believer Book of Advice
Carey NewHoof has stuck a big horse shoe in his mouth with this article And is obviously getting a little too big for his britches! Stand down Carey and get some humility! Exactly what I was thinking. Author of this article just trying to make a buck off insecure pastors who use google instead of the Bible. Stop judging people and start helping them. The lists that are given are basically blue prints as to what to look for based on what The Word says.
Shauna, what an insightful and knowledgeable person you are. You helped me address the guilt that I feel for wishing someone would pass away. My sister has had a boyfriend for over 30 years. His mother is 94, drives a big van, goes to her little store every day, and is in better health than most year olds. My sister loves her boyfriend, and he loves her, but his mother will not let go of him.
He lives with her. They have had a business for eight years but have failed to turn a profit. It is a very beautiful, classy gift shop but the area in which it is located does not have a great customer base.
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If they relocate, his mother would assume she had to come along. If she were a nice person, my sister would agree, but she is a non-stop talker, a bragger about her good health, wants to be the center of attention, and says the wrong things at the wrong times. For example, my sister lost her son unexpectedly. He was a great young man who did not do drugs, drink, womanize and was a great dad. His son was only years old when Brian passed. My sister has had cancer, lost her only son, and wants to spend what years she has left with her boyfriend.
I am very close to my sister and want to see her happy in her retirement years. She is 73 years old. The other day, when we were talking on the phone, both my sister and I agreed that it was time for this toxic woman to die. Is that evil? I hate her. This is really very informative and I believe it to be the truth!
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I was dealing with someone like this at work and was really seeking advice. I know it is applicable in many settings, including church. Thanks for this! Those people need the reassurance that they matter, they will tell anybody anything because they have not friends or family member to tell about their private worries and joys. If anybody waits to be asked, the leader will be the one who first steps up to decide something a conversation topic for starters.
I grew up being very shy and almost never talking to people who did not invite a conversation. Then I learned that I can just talk to strangers, initiate a conversation, ask people things, share my interests and yes, my stories, too. Life became much more relaxed. Today, I notice that some people more and more, it seems? If you are afraid to cause offense, not only will YOU miss this, but most tragically the lonely people who truly have nobody, whose day will brighten if they have had one single positive conversation with some stranger will miss this opportunity.
Ironically, I made the experience in a church. After service, churchgoers are invited for a cup of coffee and so you get to know other churchgoers which hardly was the case in my previous church: After service, everybody left as quickly as possible. This way, I have gotten to know a lot of interesting people who told me about their life, their believes, their holidays. One woman started to bring little presents for my disabled brother — my brother started to bring little presents for her, too.
They were decades apart but they got to know and like each other quite well, only by talking after service. He made a lot of friends outside, by talking to strangers, service people, salespeople, anybody he could. This was very well received. A week before his death I was asking a couple of people to send him postcards to the hospital which I had prepared with the hospital address. He received a couple of cards and one from a woman who sells hotdogs at Ikea. This woman formed a real bond with my brother, later sharing private information and photos with my mother.
All this would not have happened if he had not hung around the hotdog stall, chatting to strangers.
Another time, by the way, we were shopping for clothes when he offered to wait in a bakery of the store. Outside, there was a stall where someone sold items for charity. My brother talked to him, asked him what he was doing and then proceeded to help, stopping people to tell them about the items they could buy to help children with cancer.
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When my mother and me returned, we first wanted to apologize for my brother bothering the salesperson, but were answered that he had never sold so many items as in the 30 mins when my brother was helping and really appreciated it. And, no kidding, when my mother told our pastor that he had died before service, because we were asked what was wrong , he received the best spontaneous epitaph I can imagine.
The church was not in the village where my brother lived. We did not attend service every Sunday. We only knew people there from the conversations after service, about 30 mins at most per Sunday. And yet, due to his openness and eagerness to get to know people, and some other antics such as imitating the blessing — because he felt that this was the thing to to — a lot of people who regularly attended service there did know him.
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All this would never have happened if he had patiently waited for someone to approach him. I just read your comment and I agree with you about talking and laughing with strangers. What makes us strangers is the fact that we put up a blockade. I just want to tell you thank you!
www.emlaklobisi.com/wp-includes/map4.php I have a new gentleman join our group. At the first meeting he insulted one of the members, he said he needed a job and two men gave him information on two jobs. One man is very well connected in the work force, he told him the guys name to meet with and he had to be their the next morning.
The at the end of the meeting the brother that is well connected told him his friend would meet with him at seven thirty in the morning to get him a job and his comment was that was really early to get up. This person has been in many churches and was kicked out of the churc and small group for his actions. Any thoughts?